(Copied from Wikipedia 🙂 ): Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
The Quotes of Steven Wright:
* I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
* Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
* Half the people you know are below average.
* 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ….. But she left me before we met.
* OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
* How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
* I intend to live forever … So far, so good.
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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