(Copied from Wikipedia 🙂 ): Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
The Quotes of Steven Wright:
* I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
* Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
* Half the people you know are below average.
* 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ….. But she left me before we met.
* OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
* How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
* I intend to live forever … So far, so good.
* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
* My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Wonderful! But your comment box is traveling upward to block the last of each article.
Thanks, Liz! My wife mentioned that too. Seems like it’s always something! 🙁