Guest Voice: Terry Goodman – Husband Tips for Surviving Quarantine

Top Ten ‘Shelter in Place’ Survival Tips for Husbands

1. If your wife asks, “Are you still here?” more than 3 times in any 24-hour period, immediately volunteer to clean the house.
2. If your wife receives more than 7 packages from Amazon in any 24-hour period, tell her that you are proud of her efforts to stimulate the economy.
3. It probably is not a good idea to suggest to your wife that the two of you cleaning gutters together will be a productive team-building activity.
4. Try to be productive during the time you are at home. Personally, I have sorted my sock drawer twice and memorized the dialog from all 400+ episodes of Law and Order.
5. If your wife suggests that the two of you watch the Hallmark Channel’s Christmas movie marathon tell her you have a fever, a dry cough, and that you need to be tested right away.
6. If your wife tells you she actually prefers the elbow bump to a good morning kiss, don’t take it personally. Just assume it is due to her general commitment to social distancing.
7. If you ask your wife what she is cooking for dinner and her response is a low, guttural growl, drive immediately to the nearest Chic-Fil-A.
8. If your wife sprays you with Fabreze more than 5 times in any 24-hour-period, it is probably time for you to take a shower.
9. If your wife reminds you to clean out the garage, it is probably not a good idea to tell her, “I’ll have to check with Dr. Fauci first.”
10. At least twice each day, tell your wife that she is the quarantine partner of your dreams.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Terry Goodman spent his entire teaching career teaching math and working with future math teachers at University of Central Missouri (previously Central Missouri State). He officially retired in 2011, after which he returned to his home state of Texas.  (His comment was that the move raised the average IQ of both states!)  Terry and I collaborated on MANY projects in mathematics education over the years – he was a terrific (and highly organized!) colleague and he remains a close friend!  His wife and mine get along famously (too well!) and the four of us have gone on more than one vacation together!  We miss him here in Missouri!