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“When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.” – Mitch Hedberg
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“It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” – Jack Handey
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“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright
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“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
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“I have the world’s largest collection of seashells, you may have seen it, I keep it scattered on beaches all over.” – Unknown
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“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” – Unknown
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“When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.” – Unknown
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“Last night, I played poker with Tarot cards … got a full house and 4 people died.” – Steven Wright
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“The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.” – Unknown
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“I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.” – Ben Bailey
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“My father is schizophrenia, but he’s good people.”- Stewart Francis
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“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
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“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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“It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
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“I had to stop drinking, cause I got tired of waking up in my car driving 90.” – Richard Pryor
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“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin
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Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do
4 thoughts on “One-Liners”
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Number 7, by far!
Thanks, Marcia!! 🙂 Just kinda beautifully subtle, isn’t it?
and hopefully this link to a few more will give you a few more to chuckle about ~ happy, healthy 2019 to you and yours as well!!
Thanks, Christine!! Always good to hear from you – and always fun to have more ‘material’. 🙂