1.  Parallel lines have so much in common.  It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
2.  My wife accused me of being immature.  I told her to get out of my fort.
3.  Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.  Then they call me ugly and poor.
4.  How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?  One – they’re efficient and not very funny.
5.  I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.  Even the cake was in tiers.