Posted 6/20/16: Common Theme: Insanity?
1. From a tree nursery pamphlet: (you might take a deep breath first)
Practice thinning in winter time and head back in summer. A tree can be kept bearing practically regular crops. Of course it is impossible to keep any tree bearing practically regular crops, but of course it is impossible to keep any tree bearing practically regular crops, but of course it is impossible to keep any tree bearing a full crop regularly. Wonders can be done by this system of pruning.
NOTE: Duplication here is from original pamphlet!
2. Sign at a Japanese electronic shop:
You want it, we had it!
3. Suzanne Charlton, weatherperson, BBC1:
And for the rest of Europe this weekend, a lot of clouds around in the form of cloud . . .
Posted 1/22/16: Common Theme: Sports (with a dash of politics?)
1. Newt Gingrinch at the 1996 GOP Convention:
A mere 40 years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it and that’s what freedom is all about.
2. Another ‘Yogi-ism’! Yogi Berra, former NY Yankee:
You give a hundred percent in the first half of the game, and if it isn’t enough, in the second half you give what’s left.
3. Headline in the Sarasota Morning Star:
Player Fined for Using Obscure Language to Umpire.
Posted 9/7/15: Common Theme: Government Ideas
1. From the Lancaster (Ohio) Eagle-Gazette:
Health Department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death. (Plan Ahead!)
2. From a government fire-prevention pamphlet:
Exit access is that part of a means of egress that leads to an entrance to an exit. (Read this BEFORE the fire!)
3. Representative John Travis, member of the Louisiana Legislature, opposing a bill that was popular with voters:
I can’t believe we are going to let a majority of the people decide what’s best for this state. (Sadly typical attitude?)
Posted 3/23/15: Funny Foreign Signs & Posts:
Sign displayed in a Japanese hotel:
Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited.
Tokyo traffic sign:
Cars will not have Intercourse on this bridge.
Advertisement for a Toyko bar:
All ladies are half price.
Advertisement for Pingba Jiaojiu, an alcoholic drink produced in southwest China:
High smell harmonized with good smell, sweet after be drunk, with long smell.
Posted 2/23/15: Suggestion for Stopping Crime
Reverend George W. Durham, Quindaro Methodist Church of Kansas City, on how to stop crime in Kansas City, as quoted in the Kansas City (MO) Journal, 1925:
When anyone is held up, he shall immediately telephone the details to a telephone operator. She will plug in every phone in the city and relate the details of the holdup. Near every telephone a shotgun is to be kept hanging on the wall. When the story of the holdup is spread through the phones every citizen will seize his shotgun and rush to the street. All whistles will blow and at this signal all traffic, including pedestrians, will halt. Anyone besides Law officers who moves will be shot.
Posted 1/26/15: Hairy Headlines
1. From St. Louis Globe Democrat:
Woman Born Feb 29. Has Baby same day.
2. From the Goldsboro (N.C.) News Argus:
Bill would exempt minors from death.
3. From the Washington Post:
Stairs are useful in two-story houses.
Posted, December 1, 2014:
1. Hockey player Phil Watson to reporters:
Gentlemen, I have nothing to say. Any questions?
2. Singer Cyndi Lauper, during an MTV interview:
If you have intercourse, you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final.
Posted on 10/20:
Movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn to two actors in one of his films:
Cheer up, Freddy. You’ve got the best part in the picture. And you, Anna, you’ve got the best part, too!
(One of my all-time favorite classics!) Yogi Berra (former Yankee catcher for you younger folks), evaluating a particular restaurant:
Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded! (I wonder if Yogi knew Aunt Edna?!)
Posted on 9/15:
Game Show Exchange:
Les Dennis (game show host): Name a song with “moon” in the title.
Contestant: Blue Suede Shoes
Headline in the Chicago Tribune:
Divorces are Fewer among Single People, Chicago Figures Show.
* Source for all: 1998 Calendar The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said
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